Mommyhood: Fact or Fiction

Feb. 11, 2005
By Laurel E. Anderson

Children are definitely gifts from God, most of the time anyway. They teach us more about ourselves (good and not so good) everyday. Some days are thrilling, full of new accomplishments and proud moments, while other days have us questioning why we up and left the city for track housing in suburbia. Some of our friends that WORK (read between the lines on that one) question our staying home but in secret, they lust after our lifestyle or at least the lifestyle they think that we live everyday.

A Take on the Fantasy

Wake up about 6:30 am, go for a quick 5 km run, come home and read the paper with a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice. Then pack lunches, see the older kids off to school, shower and plan your day with your toddler while balancing the cheque book and answering emails. Daytime activities vary from mom and me gym class to swimming and story time at the library. There are also trips to the museum and nearby petting zoo. Following this is a nice lunch at the café and a long afternoon nap for above-mentioned toddler. This of course leaves Mom to watch television, read a nice romance novel or just hang out with friends in the living room while drinking lattes.

Three hours later, toddler wakes up just as the older child comes home from a perfect day of school. A quick snack of homemade organic muffins and all natural apple juice and it’s off to the market for vegetables and to the butcher for something fresh for dinner. Back at home while preparing fresh salmon stuffed with spinach and goat cheese, the children play quietly until Daddy arrives home and then the entire family sits down to dinner.

Dinner is a peaceful time with everyone engaging in polite dinner conversation, a few jokes are told and basic geometry facts are reviewed over homemade chocolate soufflé for dessert. Before you know it, bath time has arrived and the finishing touches have been put on the homework. Lights out (for the kids at least) and Mom and Dad spend some quality time together over a glass of wine.

Closer to the Real Thing

The alarm clock fails to go off and you’re already short on time. You think about running 2 km consistently every morning but this is as far as you get. You talk your toddler into sitting in the bathroom while you have your two minute wake up shower, wake up older child, head downstairs and make breakfast and lunch. Stumble over the paper that is still outside when you send your eldest child off to the bus and place it gingerly in the recycle box on your way back in. Then, after a round that could compete with the WWF, toddler is finally dressed and attempting to brush teeth only after you have threatened that they will turn green if she doesn’t.

Dad is dropped at the park and ride and you head to one of the many child-oriented activities that both you and the ‘professionals’ believe will aid in your child’s development and overall well-being. At the playground, your toddler says, “mine” every other word and may push another toddler or two. You weigh the options to reprimand or pretend she’s not yours and choose the latter. At the car, your 'mini you of two' decides that cooperating to get into the safe child seat is not as fun as playing ‘rigid kid’ and not bending for five entire minutes. Child about to be put up for adoption is finally strapped in and Mommy is sweaty as h e double hockey sticks (no swearing in front of the young and impressionable).

At this point you realize that you have to stop and get bread for lunches and something for dinner. This involves a 25-minute stop at the grocery store as the once cute and irresistible toddler is too independent to ride in the cart and you’re tempted to encourage her to hitch a ride with another passing cart. Once at the checkout you continually remind her that fingers do not grow back once they are sucked into the conveyor belt.

Home sweet home? No, finally home and it’s lunch and a quick video for the young and wise one. Unfortunately, only you know its naptime! She resists you every step of the way and it’s twenty minutes later when she is finally snoozing and you scrub three toilets, remove old spaghetti (at least you think that’s what it is) from the booster seat, pay bills and have some tea.

Your older child gets home from school sans important notebook needed to study for tomorrow’s test and so with a scowl, you reprimand to a set of rolled up eyes as you wake up sleeping beauty to go to school to get the book. Upon entering the car the awful smell that greets you reminds you that you never brought the fish sticks in when you got home from the store and on your way back into the house you drop the offending package in the garbage. .

Now back at home you supervise homework and referee both children while noticing that the older one has a big hole in the knee of his new jeans. You scold and move on because it’s all about time management. Daddy walks in the door and you know he wants to turn around and head straight to the pub but you entice him back with grilled cheese and soup for dinner. Then it’s a struggle through homework, you get soaked while bathing the children and finally only half an hour later, they’re in bed. Daddy works on the computer as he has another deadline and you make a ‘to do list’ for tomorrow while staring at the tv before staggering up to bed where you set the alarm for another day. As your head hits the pillow, visions of laundry dance in your head.

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