It’s Electrifying (think Olivia Newton John singing from Grease when you say it)
Feb. 4, 2005 - Kanata Kourier Standard
By Laurel E. Anderson
Winter brings with it many things, some of which are not ‘so good’ things. One
of these ‘not so good’ things is enough to make me take a short vacation to the
funny farm. The culprit is static cling. I thought that I had all but left this
menace behind me when I left the corporate office environment and moved my
workplace to home. No such luck!
My co-workers would often get a good chuckle at my expense and who could blame
them really? They would approach my cubicle and catch me ‘spraying my wheels.’
“What are you doing?” was the often-asked question. To which I would
incredulously reply, hair sticking straight up as if reaching for the ceiling,
“What do you think I’m doing? I’m spraying my wheels!” I was doing my part to
try and combat static in my immediate work area (doing the entire office would
have been a full-time job) and having the wheels on my chair repeatedly rolling
on office carpet was too much for me and my hair to bear. This was an ongoing
battle that I was never able to win and probably played a small part in my
decision to retire early from the corporate world.
Now that I have come out in the open and shared my static phobia, I feel a bit
better. Oh, wait (spraying sound in the background), I feel much better now that
my hair is not sticking to my neck like a too small 1970’s turtleneck. So I
thought the problem was licked (another way to combat static temporarily-lick
the static area but be warned that people will stare at you funny) but the
static has followed me outside the office and into my private life. I find it
problematic in the winter and cannot stand the feeling of something sticking to
me that is not supposed to. Whether it’s my son’s mitt stuck to my coat or all
of my hair (I have lots) stuck to my neck, it just doesn’t feel right, or look
good for that matter.
Going to the mall is no better. I don’t think that I’m the only one hanging out
at the mall in the winter months. But I’ll have you know that static is lurking
there too. Sale rack or full priced shelf, it’s everywhere. It’s to the point
that I style my hair into ‘mall hair’ before I leave (lots of twisting and
pinning high on my head and hoping for the best) and spray my shoes with a good
does of static guard before entering the mall. Oh, and always keep a small can
of static guard in your bag for emergencies.
My most recent emergency involved wanting to try on the half-price sweater at
the Gap but knowing that it was going to electrify static when I pulled it off.
I knew that a good dose of spray would help but I knew that it wouldn’t lick the
situation (no pun intended). And then, after deciding not to buy the sweater, I
grab my hair and twist and pin again and run, run out of the mall and into some
outside air, air that is free from static! I am free! I am finally free! Darn, I
just stepped in some gum!
Laurel is a writer living in Kanata who looks forward to shelving her big blue
can of static guard come spring.