Desperate Housewife – a Kanata Woman Shares Her Dirty Secret
By Laurel E. Anderson
Kourier-Standard July 1, 2005
Am I the only ‘desperate housewife’ in Kanata? And I’m not referring to the smash hit television show when I use that term. I am desperate about dirt: household messes, outside dirt that gets in, grass, sand and the worst of it all, dog hair. And I want to know, am I the only one struggling with this problem and what is everyone else doing about it?
It’s a chronic problem at my house. It just won’t go away-not for very long anyways and since the dog living here refuses to be vacuumed himself (I can’t figure out why), I don’t know what else to do. I often vacuum 3 times a week (which I resent) and its not enough. The hair is still there no matter what and on top of that, I’m not a big fan of cleaning to start with so why would I want to even start the vacuum up knowing that I have already lost the battle. It’s like sending a soldier into war without his weapon. It just doesn’t make sense and you know you’re going to lose.
I gave up fighting the battle for a while. I took on what some may call a defeatist or lazy attitude. I preferred to call it smart but after a bit of time, it started to get to me-the hair that is. It was everywhere and then some. The tumbleweeds were starting to meet for coffee beside the stove in the mornings and other groups lurked beside the couch planning their daily routes while the wannabe dust bunnies clung to whatever pieces of felt that could latch on to, holding on for dear life.
And speaking of morning, if you were to get up early one morning with your eyes not fully in focus, just before you put your contacts in, you just might mistake the fur ball in the corner for a wild outdoor animal that doesn’t answer to Rover and that alone is one unsettling thought as you shuffle around in what you thought were your rabbit lined slippers.
How about a monster lint brush? Would that solve the problem? It would have to be electric or run on a battery to have the kind of power required. I think what I need is one monster-sized electronic lint brush and someone to push it around the house for me. Maybe a hair blower is the solution. No, not a hair dryer, a hair blower. It would be similar to a leaf blower but for inside and it would suck the mountains of dog hair up instead of blowing it around like a leaf blower. I know it sounds a lot like a vacuum but it would be different. It would strap to your back or belt clip, come in several colours, play music and act as a phone while not weighing more than three pounds.
But in the mean time, while I desperately wait for someone to invent the next revolutionary and virtually painless dirt cleaner, I need some tips. I want to hear from other desperate housewives who suffer from lots of unwanted dirt and don’t find it a joy or ‘therapeutic’ to clean it themselves everyday. What are your tricks to cleaning just enough to get by? I want the house to look relatively clean with minimal effort so if you have any helpful hints or things that you do at your house, send them to me and if they work and I like them, I’ll share them with the world or at the very least, all of Kanata!
Laurel is a freelance writer living in Kanata who daydreams of the perfect and painless cleaning solution and in the meantime, uses the excuse of good weather and writing deadlines to avoid the vacuum. Send your miracle cleaning solutions to her at laurel@sympatico.ca